Say Gerv? I met this girl from Kentucky on Facebook and we’ve been talking for over a year now. I love her, so am I crazy for wanting to make this a serious relationship?
– Bill, Sicklerville, NJ
Bill, yes, you’re crazy for wanting to make this a serious relationship, but love makes you do crazy things like that. First, are you sure she is the person you think she is? Have you done some thorough investigating to make sure “Lisa” is really “Lisa” and not “Larry”? In other words, are you sure you’re not being catfished? Former basketball player Ray Allen is going through a crazy situation with this guy who pretended to be a woman. People do crazy things for attention. Make sure you know what you’re getting into before you start making major changes to your life.
Second, in the reality TV world, we call this a “showmance.” Think about it, you’re in an exotic location with free food, alcohol, romantic trips, no job and no responsibilities. Just you and this beautiful girl living a dream life. Then you get off the show, come back home and have all those responsibilities and bills waiting for you. Now you can’t spend all day together looking into each other’s eyes and whispering sweet nothings. Reality has set in and you realize you really don’t love this person. In that bubble you did, but in the real world not so much. That’s what it’s like talking to someone on social media. They say all the right things, and seem so sweet when you don’t have to deal with them and their baggage every day. But when you meet her in person and find out she snores, snorts and chews with her mouth open, will she still be that dream catch you thought she was? Probably not. Look Bill, I’m not one to knock love, but just be careful and take it slow. Meet up with her and talk to her face-to-face. Make sure she’s physically and mentally the same girl you’ve been talking to the past year. And if all goes well, you’ll have yourself a new girlfriend. Ain’t love grand!
Say Gerv? I’ve recently moved into a new place and started dating this girl. The last time she was over my place I found an empty purse under my bed. I swear it’s hers, but she says it’s not. What do I do?
– Tyler, Lawnside, NJ
Tyler, you need to look at the big picture before making a decision. Ok, your girl was over and she leaves. You’ve had no other women over. So it makes sense that the purse might be hers. Except for the small detail of her saying it’s not her purse. She could be lying, but why would she be trying to set you up by leaving a purse under your bed? That’s really something crazy to do, but crazier things have happened to people. Relationships should be built on trust. So the question is how much do you trust your girl? If you’ve both been honest with each other up to this point, shouldn’t you continue to do so? Tyler, what if the purse isn’t hers. I know that’s not looking like a possibility to you, but what if she is telling the truth? If the situation was reversed and you were telling the truth, wouldn’t you want your girl to believe you? How much does this relationship mean to you Tyler? If you call your girl a liar, that could be the end of it. Are you willing to throw it away? I know I’m asking more questions than giving you answers, but the answers are in the questions. If you’ve exhausted all possibilities about the purse and still don’t have a definitive answer on who owns it, then you might want to rely on that good old fashioned problem solver, your gut. I trust mine explicitly. Good luck Tyler, you’re going to need it.
Say Gerv? What’s the best way to end a relationship?
– Peter, Philadelphia, PA
Peter, I don’t know if there’s a best way to break up with someone. I think it all depends on the relationship, the person you’re breaking up with and your mental state at the time of the break up. I do know that just disappearing and never talking to the person again is a crappy way to do it. There’s no closure that way, and relationships need closure. Sending a text or email is cold and impersonal. Leaving a voicemail is a coward’s way. In person is the way to do it. Man up and handle your business. Now that you have your big boy pants on, there’s a few things you need to do to make this break up as painless as possible. Don’t be vague. Let her know why you’re breaking up with her. Don’t give her false hope that you’ll be getting back together or this is temporary. Be honest. Don’t have her thinking this is her fault when it’s not. Your honesty can help her work on those issues so she doesn’t repeat them in her next relationship. Get to the point. Say what it is you came here to say. Don’t start reminiscing or getting off topic. Don’t sleep with her. Sex just confuses things and makes things seem like they’re alright when they’re not. Keep it in your pants. You came here to break up not make up. And lastly, you’re the a-hole. Breaking up automatically gives you this title with her, her friends and family. In time, people may look at it differently, but for now, that’s who you’ll be to them. It comes with the territory. Neil Sedaka said “Breaking up is hard to do,” and truer words were never spoken.
Gervase Peterson was a cast member on the reality series “Survivor” and is an actor and entrepreneur. He keeps busy fulfilling personal appearance requests and speaking engagements across the country.